This is for Ah Jen and myself!

I have been keeping my fingers crossed that I should update my blog! But think it is really different and difficult comparing to the days 2 years ago when I set into the office and the first thing I ever do is to switch on my PC after placing my bag in my cabinet next to me.

Life for me now is really mandate and days seems to be so fast-rapiding that weekdays seems weekends and everyday seems to be so precious and so short!

Why I titled this as that bcos I really pray that I will never forget and jeopardise the Goodness of our God and HE is indeed my everything.

Losing tracks of the past months of issues on Amelia is really a bad trace! But I really look back and feel that it is really worth searching how GOD answers prayers and HE really has His own timing to everything!

FEB 2008- I brought Amelia to see a PD regarding her issues that she seems to worsen each day after the tuina session that I brought her. Was advised by the PD that her condition dont seems to be normal and need to get referral from the Polyclinc to get series of tests at KK hopsital for a subsidized rates. The date given to see a doctor is end of APR.

MAR 2008- Couldnt wait anymore because her condtion seems to worsen with cries ervyday even when she is awake and with someone besides her.

The PD sugguested to see a Neurologist regarding her condition in NUH instead. Thank God the PD managed to get a nearer day comparing to the appointment given at KK on 27 APR instead of 2 APR.

2 APR- The first appointment with the NUH Neurologist. He also thinks that Amelia case dont seems to be normal and orders a series of blood test and urine tests for Amelia. He arranges for an EEG to be done to check for seizures in Amelia becos of Amelia's 8-10 times awaking episodes at her night sleep on 16 Apr.

16 APR- 2ND Appt. EEG done at 830am. I was really worried that Amelia will not fall asleep naturally for the smooth EEG test. Thank God for His grace; Amelia sleep naturally and she managed to get a smooth test.

EEG result- no seizure but Amelia's brain is more like a 6mths bb than her rightful age of 18mths.

Blood test result not right; found to have ammonia in her blood. Normal range should be below 30+. Amelia 's result was 70+.

Doctor sugguested for another series of blood test on Amelia.

2 May- 3rd Appt. The neurologist arranged for us to see the geneticist together. Both of them agreed on same grounds that we should go for the ammonia bood test again to confirm that if it is ammonia that is causing her lower part of her body to be so weak and cant even sit. Ammonia is formed bcos of low metalbolism and causing protein digestion to be poor and ammonia forms in the body. Result of ammonia- irritable, legthargic.

Both doctors agreed on same grounds that Amelia has to go for hospital stay to do a "challenge test" if her blood test is found negative and also another MRI.

I been fervently praying that if the tests are all not from God. He will take them all away. Thank God that He really works in ways that we cannot see. I weep each time when I see how the nurses draw blood from her until her hands are bruised. I cannot describe the pain likened to having a knife cutting through my heart! I will always pushes Nam to carry and hold Amelia when the nurses taking blood bcos I really cant bear to hear her cry and sob so badly. I pray to God that the tests will not bruise her anymore. Thank God that this time, her hands are not bruise slightly! Not a single trace of the needle prick. I knew that It was God! It was Jesus that held her through!

Less than a week, the test results were released. The level plunged all the way down to 40+ and the level is acceptable for the doctors at her age.

Any normal person will see this as a miracle bcos within a short period of time of 3 weeks will not bring this level of blood test down if Amelia really have low metalbolism problems!

God hears my every cry; the initial plan of putting her for another test called the challenged test was taken away by God! For unseen reasons, both doctors just concluded that her metalbolism is acceptable and miraclely they dont need her to do through the challenge. The genetician ordered another test for Neuro-degenerative diseases. This seems to be the most scary test and this is also one that my faith has be tested through fire! Doc wants to know why there is such a sudden regression in her; if found to be positive; her condition will worsen day by day until she loses everything!

16 May- the blood test for degenerative diseases was conducted without hospital admission.

26 May- Amelia was admitted for MRI. I was praying that ervything done by God's will come smooth .

28 May- Doc called and explained that her MRI is not normal for her dvelopemnt and age.

30 May- Thank God that her MRI done in Dec 2006 comparing as present. There is no abnormal changes comparing to the previous MRI done when she was 14mths! And it is both good news and bad news. Good news that there seems to have lower chances of degeneration. Bad news is that ideally the report should show her current stage.

10 June- I was already walking in great faith that the blood test will not show any signs that is not from GOD! AMEN! The blood test cleared! She dont have any genetic issues leading to degeneration diseases. Doc only detected her with CP! He also commented that Amelia looks much much happier and alert now comparing to months before! CP will improve over time. Only therapy will help her at the moment.

I reject this Cerebral Palsy in Jesus name, AMEN!

I truly, deeply and madly believe that God is Great! He never forgets me at any point of time in my life and I know that I will never let HIM go ever, ever again! He will never puts us through tests that we cant handle. It is just the amount of Faith to believe in Him and only by trusting HIS Word and only PRAYER changes everything!

HE IS the same yesterday, today and tomarrow!

I just pray that Amelia is happy and healthy each day!

*** Above is only a summary of the agenda to Amelia medical history and condtions.***

Medical Updates about Amelia

God has opened a door! A door for Amelia situation. It has been a cry in my heart.



2 APril- Doctor at NUH did a blood test

16 April- Doctor found Ammonia in Amelia's blood. Normal range is 0-39. Ameilia case is 70+. Doctor wants to perform further tests to confirm the existence of Ammonia



Effects of Ammonia in blood= Problems in Metalbolism and it will causes lethargy and irritation. It might also cause mental retardation.



2 May- Doctor Ong wanted me to see the Genetician for further understanding of Amelia case

Doctor did further blood tests to reaffirm the situation

God really works in way that we cannot see! The range dropped from 70+ to 40+! Praise the Lord! I really thank God!

Went to see Dora the Explorer with the girls

Very first time that the girls go for a kids show together.

Thank God for the free tickets given by one of my friend Joanne.



Despite of some minor hiccups created my Amelia like the screaming and shouting. She actually enjoyed the show and everything seems to be under God's control though.

Amanda kinda of complained;

"Mummy I don't like this Dora."

Mummy: Y not darling.

Amanda: It's not real

Mummy: Y not real, its by a person right?

Amanda: When I was younger, the Dora I saw was dressed. This is not!

Mummy: Yah that looked better. Do you still like it?

Amanda: yes mummy



You can imagined how kids would remember events that happened that we thought they dont.

The Dora whom was dressed was many many months back when she was about nearly 4 years old. I regreted that I din treaasure the moments how Amanda grown.



I was too soaked with Amelia's issue. I need to start doing it before I miss her Growing episodes.

First Service to Emmanuel Church at Chevron

This is the first sunday service that I have attended after so many years. It has been more than 15years I last attended a sunday service.

It is reallly a small congregation. About less than 80 people. I dont want to church shop or hop. I want to serve God in His will. If this is the way He wanted me to move. I would!

I been praying that God's calling be defined in my life!

I pray that I would cast all my fears to Him and not focus on my current situation!

Praise the Lord!

1st appt with the replaced PT for Amelia at 2pm

When I entered the therapist premises, I was put off by the funny smell they had. I don't know what is that! There comes a lady wearing spectacles. Controlling my judgement at first instance, I tried to be a little tough indicating that I do not wish to repeat Amelia's case since I have spoken to her boss previously.

She was a little taken back and further explained that she merely wants to confirm the situation. She proceed to work on Amelia earnestly despite Amelia's difficult reactions given to her. I was touched, it seems that God is enlightening me. The "difficult" me left, giving her a greater room for working on Amelia. Surprisingly, the difference that she made was that she did not rest for a single moment during the 1hr session. She pushed Amelia to the edge, stretching her to her limits. Concluding that Amelia is really soft at her trunks that hinders her from standing. She suggested ways to help Amelia to strengthen at home. I was skeptical about the impact that a session that can make differences. Nevertheless, I left the office with a worrisome and heavy heart. As I was walking to the bus stop home, I saronged Amelia. Whispered encouraging words to her ears and told her to try at her own pace. I was kinda teary! Only God knows how I deeply felt!

I pray, pray for Miracles each day! He must have opened the door for Amelia to this new therapist comparing the previous. I anticipate the improvements and the changes day by day.

Found a replacement Physiotherapist for Amelia

I have been beri beri lost because Amelia is still not walking at 16mths plus. I do not have the slightest clue from the PD or from anybody at all.
I was surfing the web regarding help for Amelia. I found this company KR. Called up the company and arranged for a PT session. I do not know if this might the best. Apparently the owner of the company seems to be beri encourgaing and I decided to give her a chance to work on Amelia. The appointment is on 20 Feb 2008.

Amanda Milestone Vs. Amelia

Another episode of venting frustrations! Today is Amanda's 1st lesson of the year of Chinese enrichment at Berries. After class we went to Jeanie's Home for dinner so that my girls can interact with her kids.

After dinner at her home, we reached home about 8.30pm. Suppose to follow as the daily routines that Amanda has to sleep before 9.30pm beause she is in the morning class for her K1 this year. She is no longer with CP. She is now with EM that I feel it is beneficial for her current development. I laid the girls to sleep at about 9pm after the supper. But the frustrations is that Amelia dont seem to be able to get into sleep! She kept taking her tutu out and cries non-stop. Because of this reason, Amanda is not able to sleep in the same room. She is upset too. 9.45pm already! Amelia still dont give up yelling in tears! I brought her into the other room hopefully that she will give up crying. She didnt stop! About 5 mins later my maid knocked on the room door and saying that Amanda does not wan to sleep either! I was frustrated! I stormed out of the room and left Amelia in the play yard! I stormed again into where Amanda was sleeping. I reprimaded her and questioned her what she wanted when Amelia is also giving me a bad time. She cried and says that she want me to stay with her. I was telling her in contained tears that she loves me and should know that it is also my responsiblity to take care of Amelia even through the bad times!

The thing that makes me love my elder girl so much is that she hug me and kissed me! I feel that I have really missed penning down her milestone. To others, this hug is normal. To me it really means that my Amanda is mature now! I'm so happy for her that she knows how to care about other people's feelings and she is also very understanding. She never insists that the maid should take care of Amelia and she even requested Amelia to sleep with us on alternating nites despite that she knew that Amelia will not sleep throughout the night! We should always look at the little things that can make us happy and appreciative. I really want to treasure her moments over the slightest thing! Her precious hug!

After the hug, I whispered in her ears that I am mad because if she doesnt sleep early and we got to bear with Amelia for the night. I am worried that she dont have enough rest to have concentration to learn in school. Alas! Alas! When will Amelia's 10 times averagely throughout the night?

I recorded an episode of her hair pulling terror and my wrangling with her. I promised to upload it when I am more alert. I'm really really sleepy and tired now after my battle.

I broke down in tears and prayed to God after finally that she slept. I remembered that there is one verse in the bible that says that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST WHOM STRENGTHENS ME!

I am blessed! I am blessed by God that he hasnt forgotten me. I remembered asking my hubby why he never accepted Christ despite that he went to church during his younger years. His reason given was, maybe he never have needs like me!

It strikes me instantly this night that it was indeed God. All things happen for a reason. Perhaps if it never occur to me about my baby, I might never have a chance to believe in Christ once again. I didnt stand up when Pastor Kong asked for backsliders to believe in Jesus during the Christmas concert at CH. Deep down in my heart, I have opened up my heart. I didnt stand up not because of shame or guilt, it was because I have Amanda beside me. Since that day, I been praying, praying for miracle. Not only a change in Amelia but also my whole family to believe in Jesus one day.

"God will make a way when there seems to be no way, this is a cry that is always in me!" His love is unfailing and I knew that he is always out there waiting since the day I left church. I am blessed because God is not too hard on me compared to other more devastating cases out there and also I have an understanding and responsible hubby!

Praise the lord! Hallelujah!

Amelia's first Physiotherapy after PD's review

This is the first session of PT! Poor little girl! December 2007, she is 14mths; there is still isnt any signs of her standing at all! The therapist is pushing her feet down to stand with support. She is agitated about this!

Summary! Summary! Summary!

Gosh! It has been more than a month that I mend my blog!
The issue with my blog that would bored my kids in future to read are words, words, words. I promise myself that I would be more hardworking to upload photos instead of wordy postings.

Been so tied up:
1. Checking up on contractors for minor renovation in the kitchen
2. Start of the reno
3. Went to Genting from 28/Nov and returned on 2 Dec
4. Brought Amelia for a Brain scan on 6 Dec. Thank God that there is negative results for her report. Only concern calls for her feet. Bringing her for physiotherapy on 14 Dec
5. Busy bringing Amanda to holiday programme at Zoophonics from 3 Dec-7 Dec
6. Trial at Evergreen Montessori from 10 Dec - 14 Dec
7. Selection of Kindergarten.
8. Shopping for Christmas presents for party at Joanne's home

Will post photos then. Hopefully I will come out with the verdict for Amanda's kindergarten next year.

Missing In action!

Been a while that I neglected my blog!

So preoccupied with lots of issues up my mind that I am too tired to even pen it down. Guess this is another phase of dilemma in my life! I'm such an indecisive mummy! I really pray that I can be focused and decisive with all the issues involving everything under the sun!

I been checking out on the kindergartens and yet to make a final page to this chapter! After attended Amanda year end concert for her present nursery class; I do agree with some mummies that it is critical to have kids learn the values and the right morals of a well being than to be soaked with the rich curriculum. Isn't this the voice of God? Why am I still so indecisive?

Few days back, I met up with one of my friends whom I got to know her by chance few years back when I brought Amanda to the library. It is the effort that I made so as to keep this unique friendship. She shared with me this blog of her friend that inspires me and also her all the time. www.mamabliss.blogspot.com

I was impressed that it is truely how you organise your time wisely that made all things possible! Or maybe it is God strength? I remembered one verse that it is deeply internalised in me; I can do all things possible through Christ who strengthens me!

Should I pray that God lead me with the best decisions for my dd? God, please help me!

Tired! Tired! Tired!

Lots of backlogs to blog! But I decided not to backlog to the older posts as in the actual mth.. Which means I will try to do a backlog backdating to the actual day I post my blog. Sigh! Think I am really tired and dunno what I'm rattling about.

Nam went away to Thailand again since Wed night. This is the 4Th nite. The reason why I didn't bother to update while he's away because I was sick since the day he left on Wed. I was down with vomiting. Didn't know that Jiejie was down with diarrhoea until the night I was down with vomiting. Dunno if it was the virus in the air from Meimei's birthday party. Well thank God I recovered and at least I still have a helper whom can help me take care of Meimei for consecutive of 3 nights.

I brought Jiejie to ballet class this afternoon and we stayed out the whole day with her ballet friend & mum; Rachel. She is a sweet girl and has a really easy going mummy and caring daddy. We stayed out shopping and bought the girls 2 sets of clothings for CNY. Hopefully I can stay steadfast and not waste money buying so much clothings anymore.

The poor Meimei napped hardly 30mins in my arms and hopefully she can have a good night sleep tonight. I'm too tired to do anything or even to think. I knew that I need to get a lot of things done by next week.

1. Reallocate and balance the 2 girls savings

2. Plan Meimei's & Jiejie daily activities

3. Plan Family Menu

4. Finish another 2 pages of scrap by End October

Hubby's Birthday

Felt so guilty. Didnt even bought hubby a cake.

We went for lunch buffet at Trader's hotel. It has been ages when we last ate buffet. It was international cusine. Not too bad afterall. We couldnt eat a lot. The only thing I made for his birthday is the handmade Photoframe. I'm quite pleased with it. It may not be the best but I put in efforts to make it my best. Should upload the photos of the photoframe.

We shop around town and I bought a red bag for myself. Wanted to buy him something but he keeps insisting me not to. We went home after for dinner.

After dinner, we went to Chinese garden as promised to Dada. Interesting as it sounds? Underwater world theme. Kinda of. Time flies, the last time we went to Chinese Garden for Mooncake festival celebration. Amanda was only 1.5years old. Now she is 4.5years!

Check the photos out in the next post!

Hubby's Birthday & Visit to the Chinese Garden

Think this is the only year that we decided to spend half a day without the kids or rather without Enen. Since the day we had enen, we never had a day of birthday celebration without her. This year is the first time we celebrate with Meimei but we still think the both of us should have some quality time together.

Didn't do anything really fantastic together. All we had was only lunch buffet at traders hotel and we went shopping round town. He didnt buy anything and the only thing I got was a red bag! Dunno why I thought of buying a red bag but I knew it was really a splurge! Will never buy anything from GG5 anymore. It was really splurge. We left town unfruitfully. Went to a few car showrooms and ended home for dinner with the kids.

Thank God Meimei did take a later nap so we headed for Chinese garden for the lantern festival. Not too bad experience but sad to say we didn't have anybody who actaully knows how to take photos and at the end of the day; we didn't get to have any nice family photos. Sob sob sob! Should have brought the more pro camera! Lesson learnt! Cannot turn back the clock!

How I wish that the disney characters can return again for the Chinese gardens. Haven't went since Enen was hardly 1 year old. The disney characters were worth paying for but not the other themes. Wish that there are more exciting and more interesting places to visit in Singapore. So boring country! Dunno why the tourists would choose to visit SIngapore! Looking at the photos also make me upset bcos the family photos taken by strangers really didn't make it!

That is how we celebrated Hubby birthday with Meimei for the very first time!

Starry Starry Night(Backdated to 22 Sep)

3 days more before the actual day to Lantern festival. I have decided to sign up some activities for the kids to make this day more memorable. Paid for the 2 nephews to join as well.

When we arrived there, there was a little bit of delay. As planned, Da queued for some face painting. As the theme was Starry Starry Nite by Safra, I decided for a star for her. The result was not as pretty as expected. As per request, this young lady has to outline the yellow star to make it look more prominant and outstanding.

It was kinda of packed fun for the kids. The story telling and the art& crafts session. I love most personally is the sugar art. Flicking some food coloring into the packs of sugar and pour them all into the little plastic jar. Looks a little sand art from afar.

Story about Chang Er

The last session is games. I discovered that Da dun really like loud games that involve cheering and aggressiveness. Is it bcos she is not ready or she is just a different child? One day I know for sure is dun push her if she is unhappy. Overall she didn't really enjoy the games.

I'm proud that she is independent and good flairs on art & craft. She completed an excellence lantern. The boys enjoyed a great deal. I thought this is the best that me as a GuGu can do. I feel quite sad that their dad can't do anything for them. I always hope that I can do whatever I could while I can. I cannot be their parents to give them the parental involvement but I wish that I still can go out with them if time and they allow.

The only kid on the block whom enjoy the least is Amelia. She doesn't know what is happening at all. She was battling to sleep outside despite of all the tiredness. We reached home almost 11pm.

Conversation with Amanda

Mummy: Amanda look at the crescent up in the sky? Look at the only shiny star up there?

Amanda : Where? Where Mummy?

Mummy: Look, Look, Da

Amanda: Oh yes Mummy I saw. Sometimes the moon is round sometimes it is crescent right? Why only that star is shining bright?

Sometimes, I really love when she is so innocent and sweet. I love holding her little hands tight while we are walking together on the way home. How can I miss this moment of her growing up??

Every night when she sleeps with me, I will kiss her on her cheeks. I really love her when she doesn't kick a fuss despite that I carry her to her potty late in the night before I go to bed. She would smile at me all the time.

Everytime when she smiles, she melts my heart. I just pray each day that God can teach me to love the girls unconditionally like how Jesus loves us! I'm really gulity when I don't have the patience for the 2 girls.

It is always until when all is alseep, I will learn to reflect on myself as a Mother and a wife.

Amanda sweet-talks me!

Da was so sweet. As usual, I will lay down beside her in bed. Nowadays that she is older, she takes much longer time to fall asleep. She will try to talk and talk and rattle til I will lose my temper. I think I should cherish these moments until she is older and she will no longer need me to lie down besides her.

Amanda says that I am beri cute! Then I ask her what is cute? She simply says Cute is cute loh! Heehee! Adorable isnt she? Kids are so ignorant and pure!

Amanda has patience for Jigsaw puzzle Finally

To some mummies, it is just a normal milestone. For me this is kinda of breakthrough because she is never patient and can't sit longer to form something. I was overwhelmed that she can form these smaller pieces at a very short period of time. She made the pieces once with help and the second time she did it all alone. The third time, she lost her patience and throw tantrums after.

Tried buying her Lego Mosaics but she did not have the determination. Sometimes when I think back, was it me who ruin it? When she was two, I always have little patience doing art and craft with her. It is either she spills the paint or she drew the table. I wasn't patient to encourage her or cheer her on. It seems that now she is so discouraged when she fail in the slightest thing and she is so fearful that she will get scolded. Was it me? I kept asking myself. Now I always tell her that it is perfectly fine when things dun turn beautiful as much as long as u knew that you have tried your best. I dunno if she really understood what I mean. The only thing that I feel fortunate about is that I am there for her day and night, rain or shine.

Anyway, Dada, Good Job! Good effort!

AllergyTest for Amelia

After sending 姐姐 to school today. Dear sent me to NUH for an allergy test for 妹妹. We reached there before 12pm as intended. There wasn't crowd at the Allergy room but still some amount of waiting because of the person in charge not around.

After waiting for about 15mins, the lady came. She drew lines on 妹妹's left hand. She dropped a single drop from each bottle on each indicated lines she drew. Each bottle seems to represent each item of the teset. Soy, Milk protein, Cat dung test, dustmites test. Frankly I regreted to take this silly test. It was all my silliness not to check other hospital if they conduct the same test there. I don't understand why the cat dung and dustmite test. She don't touch cats and why the dung? She took out a little needle to prick on each line that she dropped the solution. Luckily 妹妹 stayed calm and didn't make a hooha...Remembered that they didn't test for fish. Added another item on the test. SIgh! After waiting for 15mins, the verdict was out! Gosh! She is no allerged to anything at all. Well! Guess we have to go check how we go about making this little girl sleep better! Before we always question if it is all the food she eats that causes the irritation. Now what??? I got no idea... Baby Amelia! Baby baby! You really make mummy helpless...

Went to Imm after to buy stuff for 妹妹's 1st year birthday party this month end. Found something that I love actually for the girls to put the sweet goodies instead of the same old plastic bags that are used all the time. Hard to get anything for boys. Tough... At the end, just got something not fantastic. Keep this in suspense... Anyway haven't got the time to snap it yet.

Dinner with Alison or Feelings??

Excited to meet Alison for a short dinner. Appointment was changed to 7pm instead of the planned 6pm.

She was waiting for me at the void deck with Amanda. She is 8months into her pregnancy now and I'm really happy to see another close friend of mine, preggie. Despite that we hardly meet up, I'm still the same chatterbox. Now we have more topics because I know I won't bore her. I feel closer to her compared to before.

I'm usually the more cautious type of person. Sometimes over cautious that made me so miserable watching my words and other people's feelings and blab blab blab. Through these years as a SA HM, I feel I changed a lot. Changed in a different perspective. I feel that it is good in a certain sense. I learnt to set my priorities for my own family and my 2 princesses. I learned not to be over-sensitive and set my own principles.

Recently I started on a new book; Bad Childhood, Good Life. I'm about 2 chapters through. The revelation is that we can choose to be conquerors to our bad childhood or victims. My childhood is not as drastic compared to some but I would say it has somehow traumatized me to shape my personality. Those whom know me would have heard my stories. Til today, I still have stories about my family members but they have little impact on my life now because I live the way I wanted it to be. I didn't read this book before to jump out of the family situation. It's my marriage.

I was too sick, too tired to live with a dad who doesn't care about the family, a younger brother whom always create problems for others to solve and a mother whom likes to point her finger over my brother's wrong doings. I decided to get married; earlier than many of my closer friends.

I was blessed. Blessed to be led by the right group of friends during school days and blessed to have Jesus Christ whom stand steadfast during my younger days. I was a timid girl and always fearful to even stand up for my own rights when I was younger. It was Jesus Christ who gave me strength to pull through. I remembered vividly when nobody is at home for my bro and me. Whenever I was lonely and scared, I will hide under my blanket and cry.

My childhood shapes my perspective as a mother. I really don't wish my girls to have the same experience. I want them to be closely kneaded as a family and close to my heart always; til my last breath. I am always envious whenever I hear or see people with their happy family. Within me I know this is not a gift, it is all earned. I choose to get married and have my own family. I should always be contented with what I have. I would not do anything to jeopardise my family happiness and marriage. This man may not be the dream man of my life. But I deeply know that he is a good and responsible daddy for the girls. He cares to give them the best he can. Sounds materialistic but I know deep within that this is something that my own daddy cannot provides that leaves my mum and the family unhappy and fighting even til today. Nothing seems to bring this family back ever again. I feel the bitterness and the tears welled in my eyes when I say this. Nobody seems to care about anybody and everyone in the family seems to only care about themselves. This is something I pray with all my might and strength that this WOULD NEVER HAPPEN to my girls. I always tell Amanda that she may only have one sibling in her this life and she must love her sister. It may sounds too early to teach about Blood is thicker than water but I want to make her remember the day she lives. SIGH! What am I doing then? Why am I not helping my younger brother when he needs monetary support all the time? How can I help all the time I ask myself? Gave him $450 for his audacious 2ND remarry ROM only 2 weeks ago and he can still sms Nam for money again today. How to help??? How to tell my girls to stay kneaded when I dun help him when he needed help??? I really hope that this book I'm reading can enlighten me somehow.

I can only praise God that I can still meet this responsible man whom gives me the "luxury" to stay home. Frankly it is not that I'm lazy to work or I can't earn. It is because of my childhood that determined my decision staying home since 3 June 2005. I really don't want my girls to grow up without feeling complete or spiritual developed. I want to teach them the values of life that I hold steadfast and the principles that I held tight. I would do every way to hold this family closely kneaded. The more pressure I give to myself, the more stressed I become.

Whatever it is, I'm really thankful that He is a very kind hearted, responsible and easy-going and good tempered guy til today. He is the one who never fears despite of all the family problems I have. He never complains and never compares. Many of the times I think he just doesn't care or he has no benchmark for his expectations. But have I really appreciated that this is his strength? Is this why the marriage can last til today despite of my bad temper and bad childhood? Can this marriage still remains if this is another man?? I really got no idea... I only know that we must NEVER, NEVER TAKE anything for granted. Treasure everything slightest~! I'm reminding myself too each day! I think I really have to make this family strong. First and foremost, this marriage- the pillar to the family. I can't do this alone all the time. I hope that if my dh ever reads my blog. Please try to understand that this can never never be held alone.

SO much of digressing, I saw Alison who is 8mths into her pregnancy. She still looks like before on her face. Put abit of weight but I think she will not put on too much at the end of her pregnancy. Regretfully didn't take a photo together with her. Very glad to meet her, appreciated that she travelled to Jurong East to meet me. Guess it might be tougher once she have kids next time. I will try my best to keep in touch with friends. But sometimes it is very tough to meet up with friends after their work because my Amanda don't seem to be able to part with me at all. Sigh! Good or bad? I should treasure because she may outgrow this one day. Bad because I lost my freedom to meet with friends whom dun need my dd's presence. Amanda seems to enjoy the dinner with Alison.

Ally, let's keep in touch always. Hope that I can arrange for another with Elaine before Ally goes into delivery.

Amanda can match words to the animals card

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

This evening, Amanda took out the animals matching cards to play. These days she learns to play independently and I realised that she is not that lousy academically afterall.

She can actaully match the words that are apart from the picture cards. Eg. She is able to place the little word piece that says"Lion" to the lion picture. The picture is cartoonised type. I was so surprised. Then I ask her, oh you know how to read the words? Did you learn all the animals words in school? She says no ah. I just know loh!

You should see the delightfulness from my face. The proud mummy. Its good to be happy over little things.

To make her even more proud of herself, I snapped her efforts. She really takes pride! I really think that it is natural that humans enjoy praises.