Went KKH to get Amelia test results

Thank God that the test results is negative for retts sydrome

The genetician sugguested that she would want to pursue only 2 more tests for her and will not want to take anymore tests.

Frankly what I want is cure for Amelia not diagnosis.

What we want is restoration to what she has acheived as a baby!

New thoughts about Blogging

Think I better have more positive thoughts about blogging!
Ultimately blogging not only meant to record thoughts. It is also record moments and things happening part and parcel of life!

I felt bored reading my past blogs too!

I was stirred by my friend, Shellen to register both my thoughts and moments in life. Check her out http://keepsakes.blogspot.com/
(3 cheers for Shellen!) Yipyip horray!

I keep my fingers crossed to bring my Sony camera whenever I go and also to download every single day!

Hahaha! Check me out soon!

Meaning of Playground

Brought Amanda down as usual to take her school bus. As we are still early, decided to bring Amelia down too. She was sitting in the stroller and I have to sing them nursery songs and pushed Amelia round and round. The typical Chinese song, " FInding a friend song".

Back in my mind Im tinking wat will happen if Amelia still stay not walking and Amanda is not happy or thrilled with this type of playing anymore??? Holding my tears deep within me! Negative thoughts been hounding me day in day out! What if Amanda grows older and realised that it is not fun having a sister siting all day and not chasing her?

After Amanda got up the bus, I pushed Amelia to the playground.

To any normal active kid, a playground is someplace fun! There is never one normal growing kid that dun like playing. I never think about the meaning of having a playground until whenever I bring Amelia to the playground.

I always hoped that there aint anybody around. It is not that I dont want Amelia to have some kids to socialise. The issue is that people tend to wonder and the look in their eyes make me slightly upset. Some even asked about how old is she and lots more. I think it is really getting more challenged as she gets older.

I carried her her. Slide her down and kept teaching her about colors. Her look really stared blankly into my eyes. Im really depressed. There wasnt any trace of excitement.

I held her closer to the stairs nearing the slide. She used to be able to lift her feet up the stairs with my hand supporting her arms. Now not anymore. It really teaches me one thing in life, we must never take anything for granted.

This playground can never be a play until Amelia can understand that she needs play in her life. I never felt so lousy going to a playground. I can never give up! If I cant be bothered with her, who else would! I felt really really sad! I pray that she can find Play as a joy and as a God sent "Job" for any developing child!

We stopped Amelia's detoxification course of medication

Skeptical! Skeptical! Skeptical!

Remember the so called nutirition specialist about the help sugguested the lady that sells niche stuff for thrapy of a well being of a kid? Yes we seek help. We are so desperate!

Nobody will understand the anxiety and desperation within us other than our God Emmanuel.

We spent about more than $500 for the 2 weeks of supplements. The Dr concluded that there is help bcos the lab results shows that Amelia has high levels of toxics in her body. I really cant reckon why is this high levl in her given the exposure in a normal setting and in Singapore. We dont live in highly polluted environment in Singapore. How to get this high lead level of poisoning???

My normal intution tells me that we shouldnt put the poor girl in the risk of taking any supplements that didnt labelled safe for a child consumption. I stopped the whole course of supplements. Only continued with Omega 3, digestive enzymes for digestion and the good bacteria for her antibodies.

New Treatment???

By chance I got to know this lady from a niche business. She is a distributor in Singapore marketing a range of products useful for the special needs children; helping them in terms of speech and also other areas of a child's development. Something that I learnt from these 2 ladies of the business is that despite that they also have their own issues back at home. She has a down sydrome daughter and with their background about their kids, they bless others by finding out about the needs of the special kids. Her name is P***. Sometime back when Amelia has arising issues she did recommended me to see a naturopath. She mentioned that her daughters used to have medical needs that cannot be addressed or diagnosd by the doctor but was hopeful after consulting this doctor.

I was skeptical. Frankly I can share the details of the clinic or much more if I am really thousand times confident that this is gonna work but I am really puzzled why there are some things that cant be concluded by the trained doctors.

I decided to seek the naturopath's help after much barking from Nam and my closest friend. Both of them or rather people around me asked me to seek 2nd opinion. I dont want to seek doesnt mean I dont care. I really pray that God will address the root of the problem but I know I cant force God on His will! I have been praying over this. I told God that if it is His will that the doctor can help then open that door!

10 July I went to see this doctor called S**. He doesnt look very "doctor" or hmm I thought very experienced. But guess we are always taught never to judge "a book by its cover". After much discussion and consultation, Nam and I felt that he was quite enthical in his professions that he don't seem to be out to earn our money. According to him, he will not pursue any case that he has no experience or exposure in. Initially he wanted to give up on Amelia's case because he mentioned about the tests that he wants to order but I had them most done in the hospital and the only abnormal piece of test result is only from the MRI.

The strange issue that emerged before we leave the clinic is that I highlighted that recent 2 days before the consultation; Amelia has this terrible bad breathe that smelt so much like rubbish bin. He was giggling; He looked hopeful to Amelia's problem. He wanted her to do a Hair analysis test and urine test that will check for metals or nutrients that she might be lacking.

11 July, managed to get urine from Amelia with planned effort. I have to put her without diapers and for a little girl like her is really tough. She doesnt know how to communicate and I have to carry her for the whole 1 hour with her panties on and sat in the bathroom to collect her urine. Thank God for the urine collected prior to 2 hours before she gulped down about more than 120ml of water. She actually poo and pee at the same time when I held and sat with her in the bathroom. I was worried that there might be stool in the urine that might not be accurate. Nam sent the urine and the result was released on the very day. There is some moderate concern about her leaky gut. What is leaky gut???

Managed to find out the simple terms:

What is Leaky Gut Syndrome - LGS?
Leaky Gut Syndrome - LGS is a possibly unpleasant sounding name but it describes a gut which is inflamed and has got very porous, (much more porous than it should be), and it is letting large food proteins, bacteria, fungi, metals and toxic substances straight into our blood stream or in more scientific language, an increase in permeability of the intestinal mucosa to luminal macromolecules, antigens and toxins associated with inflammatory degenerative and/or atrophic mucosal damage. Once in the blood stream our immune system is the last line of defense to deal with these substances and it will eventually get overwhelmed if a Leaky Gut is not rectified. While there is no quick cure for Leaky Gut, there are many things that can be done to start healing Leaky Gut Syndrome and eventually regain a normal gut.

I really dont know if these are all the findings that made Amelia been bloated and fart each time she sleeps. She will cry each time she fart or even so constispated that she seems to be battling sometimes and these are the issues that I brought up to doctors but they all think that it is not a issue!

Doctor S** suggested a series of supplements and a B blood type diet to follow. The hair analysis is gonna take another 3 weeks for the results

This is for Ah Jen and myself!

I have been keeping my fingers crossed that I should update my blog! But think it is really different and difficult comparing to the days 2 years ago when I set into the office and the first thing I ever do is to switch on my PC after placing my bag in my cabinet next to me.

Life for me now is really mandate and days seems to be so fast-rapiding that weekdays seems weekends and everyday seems to be so precious and so short!

Why I titled this as that bcos I really pray that I will never forget and jeopardise the Goodness of our God and HE is indeed my everything.

Losing tracks of the past months of issues on Amelia is really a bad trace! But I really look back and feel that it is really worth searching how GOD answers prayers and HE really has His own timing to everything!

FEB 2008- I brought Amelia to see a PD regarding her issues that she seems to worsen each day after the tuina session that I brought her. Was advised by the PD that her condition dont seems to be normal and need to get referral from the Polyclinc to get series of tests at KK hopsital for a subsidized rates. The date given to see a doctor is end of APR.

MAR 2008- Couldnt wait anymore because her condtion seems to worsen with cries ervyday even when she is awake and with someone besides her.

The PD sugguested to see a Neurologist regarding her condition in NUH instead. Thank God the PD managed to get a nearer day comparing to the appointment given at KK on 27 APR instead of 2 APR.

2 APR- The first appointment with the NUH Neurologist. He also thinks that Amelia case dont seems to be normal and orders a series of blood test and urine tests for Amelia. He arranges for an EEG to be done to check for seizures in Amelia becos of Amelia's 8-10 times awaking episodes at her night sleep on 16 Apr.

16 APR- 2ND Appt. EEG done at 830am. I was really worried that Amelia will not fall asleep naturally for the smooth EEG test. Thank God for His grace; Amelia sleep naturally and she managed to get a smooth test.

EEG result- no seizure but Amelia's brain is more like a 6mths bb than her rightful age of 18mths.

Blood test result not right; found to have ammonia in her blood. Normal range should be below 30+. Amelia 's result was 70+.

Doctor sugguested for another series of blood test on Amelia.

2 May- 3rd Appt. The neurologist arranged for us to see the geneticist together. Both of them agreed on same grounds that we should go for the ammonia bood test again to confirm that if it is ammonia that is causing her lower part of her body to be so weak and cant even sit. Ammonia is formed bcos of low metalbolism and causing protein digestion to be poor and ammonia forms in the body. Result of ammonia- irritable, legthargic.

Both doctors agreed on same grounds that Amelia has to go for hospital stay to do a "challenge test" if her blood test is found negative and also another MRI.

I been fervently praying that if the tests are all not from God. He will take them all away. Thank God that He really works in ways that we cannot see. I weep each time when I see how the nurses draw blood from her until her hands are bruised. I cannot describe the pain likened to having a knife cutting through my heart! I will always pushes Nam to carry and hold Amelia when the nurses taking blood bcos I really cant bear to hear her cry and sob so badly. I pray to God that the tests will not bruise her anymore. Thank God that this time, her hands are not bruise slightly! Not a single trace of the needle prick. I knew that It was God! It was Jesus that held her through!

Less than a week, the test results were released. The level plunged all the way down to 40+ and the level is acceptable for the doctors at her age.

Any normal person will see this as a miracle bcos within a short period of time of 3 weeks will not bring this level of blood test down if Amelia really have low metalbolism problems!

God hears my every cry; the initial plan of putting her for another test called the challenged test was taken away by God! For unseen reasons, both doctors just concluded that her metalbolism is acceptable and miraclely they dont need her to do through the challenge. The genetician ordered another test for Neuro-degenerative diseases. This seems to be the most scary test and this is also one that my faith has be tested through fire! Doc wants to know why there is such a sudden regression in her; if found to be positive; her condition will worsen day by day until she loses everything!

16 May- the blood test for degenerative diseases was conducted without hospital admission.

26 May- Amelia was admitted for MRI. I was praying that ervything done by God's will come smooth .

28 May- Doc called and explained that her MRI is not normal for her dvelopemnt and age.

30 May- Thank God that her MRI done in Dec 2006 comparing as present. There is no abnormal changes comparing to the previous MRI done when she was 14mths! And it is both good news and bad news. Good news that there seems to have lower chances of degeneration. Bad news is that ideally the report should show her current stage.

10 June- I was already walking in great faith that the blood test will not show any signs that is not from GOD! AMEN! The blood test cleared! She dont have any genetic issues leading to degeneration diseases. Doc only detected her with CP! He also commented that Amelia looks much much happier and alert now comparing to months before! CP will improve over time. Only therapy will help her at the moment.

I reject this Cerebral Palsy in Jesus name, AMEN!

I truly, deeply and madly believe that God is Great! He never forgets me at any point of time in my life and I know that I will never let HIM go ever, ever again! He will never puts us through tests that we cant handle. It is just the amount of Faith to believe in Him and only by trusting HIS Word and only PRAYER changes everything!

HE IS the same yesterday, today and tomarrow!

I just pray that Amelia is happy and healthy each day!

*** Above is only a summary of the agenda to Amelia medical history and condtions.***

Medical Updates about Amelia

God has opened a door! A door for Amelia situation. It has been a cry in my heart.



2 APril- Doctor at NUH did a blood test

16 April- Doctor found Ammonia in Amelia's blood. Normal range is 0-39. Ameilia case is 70+. Doctor wants to perform further tests to confirm the existence of Ammonia



Effects of Ammonia in blood= Problems in Metalbolism and it will causes lethargy and irritation. It might also cause mental retardation.



2 May- Doctor Ong wanted me to see the Genetician for further understanding of Amelia case

Doctor did further blood tests to reaffirm the situation

God really works in way that we cannot see! The range dropped from 70+ to 40+! Praise the Lord! I really thank God!

Went to see Dora the Explorer with the girls

Very first time that the girls go for a kids show together.

Thank God for the free tickets given by one of my friend Joanne.



Despite of some minor hiccups created my Amelia like the screaming and shouting. She actually enjoyed the show and everything seems to be under God's control though.

Amanda kinda of complained;

"Mummy I don't like this Dora."

Mummy: Y not darling.

Amanda: It's not real

Mummy: Y not real, its by a person right?

Amanda: When I was younger, the Dora I saw was dressed. This is not!

Mummy: Yah that looked better. Do you still like it?

Amanda: yes mummy



You can imagined how kids would remember events that happened that we thought they dont.

The Dora whom was dressed was many many months back when she was about nearly 4 years old. I regreted that I din treaasure the moments how Amanda grown.



I was too soaked with Amelia's issue. I need to start doing it before I miss her Growing episodes.

First Service to Emmanuel Church at Chevron

This is the first sunday service that I have attended after so many years. It has been more than 15years I last attended a sunday service.

It is reallly a small congregation. About less than 80 people. I dont want to church shop or hop. I want to serve God in His will. If this is the way He wanted me to move. I would!

I been praying that God's calling be defined in my life!

I pray that I would cast all my fears to Him and not focus on my current situation!

Praise the Lord!

1st appt with the replaced PT for Amelia at 2pm

When I entered the therapist premises, I was put off by the funny smell they had. I don't know what is that! There comes a lady wearing spectacles. Controlling my judgement at first instance, I tried to be a little tough indicating that I do not wish to repeat Amelia's case since I have spoken to her boss previously.

She was a little taken back and further explained that she merely wants to confirm the situation. She proceed to work on Amelia earnestly despite Amelia's difficult reactions given to her. I was touched, it seems that God is enlightening me. The "difficult" me left, giving her a greater room for working on Amelia. Surprisingly, the difference that she made was that she did not rest for a single moment during the 1hr session. She pushed Amelia to the edge, stretching her to her limits. Concluding that Amelia is really soft at her trunks that hinders her from standing. She suggested ways to help Amelia to strengthen at home. I was skeptical about the impact that a session that can make differences. Nevertheless, I left the office with a worrisome and heavy heart. As I was walking to the bus stop home, I saronged Amelia. Whispered encouraging words to her ears and told her to try at her own pace. I was kinda teary! Only God knows how I deeply felt!

I pray, pray for Miracles each day! He must have opened the door for Amelia to this new therapist comparing the previous. I anticipate the improvements and the changes day by day.

Found a replacement Physiotherapist for Amelia

I have been beri beri lost because Amelia is still not walking at 16mths plus. I do not have the slightest clue from the PD or from anybody at all.
I was surfing the web regarding help for Amelia. I found this company KR. Called up the company and arranged for a PT session. I do not know if this might the best. Apparently the owner of the company seems to be beri encourgaing and I decided to give her a chance to work on Amelia. The appointment is on 20 Feb 2008.

Amanda Milestone Vs. Amelia

Another episode of venting frustrations! Today is Amanda's 1st lesson of the year of Chinese enrichment at Berries. After class we went to Jeanie's Home for dinner so that my girls can interact with her kids.

After dinner at her home, we reached home about 8.30pm. Suppose to follow as the daily routines that Amanda has to sleep before 9.30pm beause she is in the morning class for her K1 this year. She is no longer with CP. She is now with EM that I feel it is beneficial for her current development. I laid the girls to sleep at about 9pm after the supper. But the frustrations is that Amelia dont seem to be able to get into sleep! She kept taking her tutu out and cries non-stop. Because of this reason, Amanda is not able to sleep in the same room. She is upset too. 9.45pm already! Amelia still dont give up yelling in tears! I brought her into the other room hopefully that she will give up crying. She didnt stop! About 5 mins later my maid knocked on the room door and saying that Amanda does not wan to sleep either! I was frustrated! I stormed out of the room and left Amelia in the play yard! I stormed again into where Amanda was sleeping. I reprimaded her and questioned her what she wanted when Amelia is also giving me a bad time. She cried and says that she want me to stay with her. I was telling her in contained tears that she loves me and should know that it is also my responsiblity to take care of Amelia even through the bad times!

The thing that makes me love my elder girl so much is that she hug me and kissed me! I feel that I have really missed penning down her milestone. To others, this hug is normal. To me it really means that my Amanda is mature now! I'm so happy for her that she knows how to care about other people's feelings and she is also very understanding. She never insists that the maid should take care of Amelia and she even requested Amelia to sleep with us on alternating nites despite that she knew that Amelia will not sleep throughout the night! We should always look at the little things that can make us happy and appreciative. I really want to treasure her moments over the slightest thing! Her precious hug!

After the hug, I whispered in her ears that I am mad because if she doesnt sleep early and we got to bear with Amelia for the night. I am worried that she dont have enough rest to have concentration to learn in school. Alas! Alas! When will Amelia's 10 times averagely throughout the night?

I recorded an episode of her hair pulling terror and my wrangling with her. I promised to upload it when I am more alert. I'm really really sleepy and tired now after my battle.

I broke down in tears and prayed to God after finally that she slept. I remembered that there is one verse in the bible that says that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST WHOM STRENGTHENS ME!

I am blessed! I am blessed by God that he hasnt forgotten me. I remembered asking my hubby why he never accepted Christ despite that he went to church during his younger years. His reason given was, maybe he never have needs like me!

It strikes me instantly this night that it was indeed God. All things happen for a reason. Perhaps if it never occur to me about my baby, I might never have a chance to believe in Christ once again. I didnt stand up when Pastor Kong asked for backsliders to believe in Jesus during the Christmas concert at CH. Deep down in my heart, I have opened up my heart. I didnt stand up not because of shame or guilt, it was because I have Amanda beside me. Since that day, I been praying, praying for miracle. Not only a change in Amelia but also my whole family to believe in Jesus one day.

"God will make a way when there seems to be no way, this is a cry that is always in me!" His love is unfailing and I knew that he is always out there waiting since the day I left church. I am blessed because God is not too hard on me compared to other more devastating cases out there and also I have an understanding and responsible hubby!

Praise the lord! Hallelujah!

Amelia's first Physiotherapy after PD's review

This is the first session of PT! Poor little girl! December 2007, she is 14mths; there is still isnt any signs of her standing at all! The therapist is pushing her feet down to stand with support. She is agitated about this!

Summary! Summary! Summary!

Gosh! It has been more than a month that I mend my blog!
The issue with my blog that would bored my kids in future to read are words, words, words. I promise myself that I would be more hardworking to upload photos instead of wordy postings.

Been so tied up:
1. Checking up on contractors for minor renovation in the kitchen
2. Start of the reno
3. Went to Genting from 28/Nov and returned on 2 Dec
4. Brought Amelia for a Brain scan on 6 Dec. Thank God that there is negative results for her report. Only concern calls for her feet. Bringing her for physiotherapy on 14 Dec
5. Busy bringing Amanda to holiday programme at Zoophonics from 3 Dec-7 Dec
6. Trial at Evergreen Montessori from 10 Dec - 14 Dec
7. Selection of Kindergarten.
8. Shopping for Christmas presents for party at Joanne's home

Will post photos then. Hopefully I will come out with the verdict for Amanda's kindergarten next year.

Missing In action!

Been a while that I neglected my blog!

So preoccupied with lots of issues up my mind that I am too tired to even pen it down. Guess this is another phase of dilemma in my life! I'm such an indecisive mummy! I really pray that I can be focused and decisive with all the issues involving everything under the sun!

I been checking out on the kindergartens and yet to make a final page to this chapter! After attended Amanda year end concert for her present nursery class; I do agree with some mummies that it is critical to have kids learn the values and the right morals of a well being than to be soaked with the rich curriculum. Isn't this the voice of God? Why am I still so indecisive?

Few days back, I met up with one of my friends whom I got to know her by chance few years back when I brought Amanda to the library. It is the effort that I made so as to keep this unique friendship. She shared with me this blog of her friend that inspires me and also her all the time. www.mamabliss.blogspot.com

I was impressed that it is truely how you organise your time wisely that made all things possible! Or maybe it is God strength? I remembered one verse that it is deeply internalised in me; I can do all things possible through Christ who strengthens me!

Should I pray that God lead me with the best decisions for my dd? God, please help me!

Tired! Tired! Tired!

Lots of backlogs to blog! But I decided not to backlog to the older posts as in the actual mth.. Which means I will try to do a backlog backdating to the actual day I post my blog. Sigh! Think I am really tired and dunno what I'm rattling about.

Nam went away to Thailand again since Wed night. This is the 4Th nite. The reason why I didn't bother to update while he's away because I was sick since the day he left on Wed. I was down with vomiting. Didn't know that Jiejie was down with diarrhoea until the night I was down with vomiting. Dunno if it was the virus in the air from Meimei's birthday party. Well thank God I recovered and at least I still have a helper whom can help me take care of Meimei for consecutive of 3 nights.

I brought Jiejie to ballet class this afternoon and we stayed out the whole day with her ballet friend & mum; Rachel. She is a sweet girl and has a really easy going mummy and caring daddy. We stayed out shopping and bought the girls 2 sets of clothings for CNY. Hopefully I can stay steadfast and not waste money buying so much clothings anymore.

The poor Meimei napped hardly 30mins in my arms and hopefully she can have a good night sleep tonight. I'm too tired to do anything or even to think. I knew that I need to get a lot of things done by next week.

1. Reallocate and balance the 2 girls savings

2. Plan Meimei's & Jiejie daily activities

3. Plan Family Menu

4. Finish another 2 pages of scrap by End October

Hubby's Birthday

Felt so guilty. Didnt even bought hubby a cake.

We went for lunch buffet at Trader's hotel. It has been ages when we last ate buffet. It was international cusine. Not too bad afterall. We couldnt eat a lot. The only thing I made for his birthday is the handmade Photoframe. I'm quite pleased with it. It may not be the best but I put in efforts to make it my best. Should upload the photos of the photoframe.

We shop around town and I bought a red bag for myself. Wanted to buy him something but he keeps insisting me not to. We went home after for dinner.

After dinner, we went to Chinese garden as promised to Dada. Interesting as it sounds? Underwater world theme. Kinda of. Time flies, the last time we went to Chinese Garden for Mooncake festival celebration. Amanda was only 1.5years old. Now she is 4.5years!

Check the photos out in the next post!

Hubby's Birthday & Visit to the Chinese Garden

Think this is the only year that we decided to spend half a day without the kids or rather without Enen. Since the day we had enen, we never had a day of birthday celebration without her. This year is the first time we celebrate with Meimei but we still think the both of us should have some quality time together.

Didn't do anything really fantastic together. All we had was only lunch buffet at traders hotel and we went shopping round town. He didnt buy anything and the only thing I got was a red bag! Dunno why I thought of buying a red bag but I knew it was really a splurge! Will never buy anything from GG5 anymore. It was really splurge. We left town unfruitfully. Went to a few car showrooms and ended home for dinner with the kids.

Thank God Meimei did take a later nap so we headed for Chinese garden for the lantern festival. Not too bad experience but sad to say we didn't have anybody who actaully knows how to take photos and at the end of the day; we didn't get to have any nice family photos. Sob sob sob! Should have brought the more pro camera! Lesson learnt! Cannot turn back the clock!

How I wish that the disney characters can return again for the Chinese gardens. Haven't went since Enen was hardly 1 year old. The disney characters were worth paying for but not the other themes. Wish that there are more exciting and more interesting places to visit in Singapore. So boring country! Dunno why the tourists would choose to visit SIngapore! Looking at the photos also make me upset bcos the family photos taken by strangers really didn't make it!

That is how we celebrated Hubby birthday with Meimei for the very first time!

Starry Starry Night(Backdated to 22 Sep)

3 days more before the actual day to Lantern festival. I have decided to sign up some activities for the kids to make this day more memorable. Paid for the 2 nephews to join as well.

When we arrived there, there was a little bit of delay. As planned, Da queued for some face painting. As the theme was Starry Starry Nite by Safra, I decided for a star for her. The result was not as pretty as expected. As per request, this young lady has to outline the yellow star to make it look more prominant and outstanding.

It was kinda of packed fun for the kids. The story telling and the art& crafts session. I love most personally is the sugar art. Flicking some food coloring into the packs of sugar and pour them all into the little plastic jar. Looks a little sand art from afar.

Story about Chang Er

The last session is games. I discovered that Da dun really like loud games that involve cheering and aggressiveness. Is it bcos she is not ready or she is just a different child? One day I know for sure is dun push her if she is unhappy. Overall she didn't really enjoy the games.

I'm proud that she is independent and good flairs on art & craft. She completed an excellence lantern. The boys enjoyed a great deal. I thought this is the best that me as a GuGu can do. I feel quite sad that their dad can't do anything for them. I always hope that I can do whatever I could while I can. I cannot be their parents to give them the parental involvement but I wish that I still can go out with them if time and they allow.

The only kid on the block whom enjoy the least is Amelia. She doesn't know what is happening at all. She was battling to sleep outside despite of all the tiredness. We reached home almost 11pm.

Conversation with Amanda

Mummy: Amanda look at the crescent up in the sky? Look at the only shiny star up there?

Amanda : Where? Where Mummy?

Mummy: Look, Look, Da

Amanda: Oh yes Mummy I saw. Sometimes the moon is round sometimes it is crescent right? Why only that star is shining bright?

Sometimes, I really love when she is so innocent and sweet. I love holding her little hands tight while we are walking together on the way home. How can I miss this moment of her growing up??

Every night when she sleeps with me, I will kiss her on her cheeks. I really love her when she doesn't kick a fuss despite that I carry her to her potty late in the night before I go to bed. She would smile at me all the time.

Everytime when she smiles, she melts my heart. I just pray each day that God can teach me to love the girls unconditionally like how Jesus loves us! I'm really gulity when I don't have the patience for the 2 girls.

It is always until when all is alseep, I will learn to reflect on myself as a Mother and a wife.