Amanda has patience for Jigsaw puzzle Finally

To some mummies, it is just a normal milestone. For me this is kinda of breakthrough because she is never patient and can't sit longer to form something. I was overwhelmed that she can form these smaller pieces at a very short period of time. She made the pieces once with help and the second time she did it all alone. The third time, she lost her patience and throw tantrums after.

Tried buying her Lego Mosaics but she did not have the determination. Sometimes when I think back, was it me who ruin it? When she was two, I always have little patience doing art and craft with her. It is either she spills the paint or she drew the table. I wasn't patient to encourage her or cheer her on. It seems that now she is so discouraged when she fail in the slightest thing and she is so fearful that she will get scolded. Was it me? I kept asking myself. Now I always tell her that it is perfectly fine when things dun turn beautiful as much as long as u knew that you have tried your best. I dunno if she really understood what I mean. The only thing that I feel fortunate about is that I am there for her day and night, rain or shine.

Anyway, Dada, Good Job! Good effort!

AllergyTest for Amelia

After sending 姐姐 to school today. Dear sent me to NUH for an allergy test for 妹妹. We reached there before 12pm as intended. There wasn't crowd at the Allergy room but still some amount of waiting because of the person in charge not around.

After waiting for about 15mins, the lady came. She drew lines on 妹妹's left hand. She dropped a single drop from each bottle on each indicated lines she drew. Each bottle seems to represent each item of the teset. Soy, Milk protein, Cat dung test, dustmites test. Frankly I regreted to take this silly test. It was all my silliness not to check other hospital if they conduct the same test there. I don't understand why the cat dung and dustmite test. She don't touch cats and why the dung? She took out a little needle to prick on each line that she dropped the solution. Luckily 妹妹 stayed calm and didn't make a hooha...Remembered that they didn't test for fish. Added another item on the test. SIgh! After waiting for 15mins, the verdict was out! Gosh! She is no allerged to anything at all. Well! Guess we have to go check how we go about making this little girl sleep better! Before we always question if it is all the food she eats that causes the irritation. Now what??? I got no idea... Baby Amelia! Baby baby! You really make mummy helpless...

Went to Imm after to buy stuff for 妹妹's 1st year birthday party this month end. Found something that I love actually for the girls to put the sweet goodies instead of the same old plastic bags that are used all the time. Hard to get anything for boys. Tough... At the end, just got something not fantastic. Keep this in suspense... Anyway haven't got the time to snap it yet.

Dinner with Alison or Feelings??

Excited to meet Alison for a short dinner. Appointment was changed to 7pm instead of the planned 6pm.

She was waiting for me at the void deck with Amanda. She is 8months into her pregnancy now and I'm really happy to see another close friend of mine, preggie. Despite that we hardly meet up, I'm still the same chatterbox. Now we have more topics because I know I won't bore her. I feel closer to her compared to before.

I'm usually the more cautious type of person. Sometimes over cautious that made me so miserable watching my words and other people's feelings and blab blab blab. Through these years as a SA HM, I feel I changed a lot. Changed in a different perspective. I feel that it is good in a certain sense. I learnt to set my priorities for my own family and my 2 princesses. I learned not to be over-sensitive and set my own principles.

Recently I started on a new book; Bad Childhood, Good Life. I'm about 2 chapters through. The revelation is that we can choose to be conquerors to our bad childhood or victims. My childhood is not as drastic compared to some but I would say it has somehow traumatized me to shape my personality. Those whom know me would have heard my stories. Til today, I still have stories about my family members but they have little impact on my life now because I live the way I wanted it to be. I didn't read this book before to jump out of the family situation. It's my marriage.

I was too sick, too tired to live with a dad who doesn't care about the family, a younger brother whom always create problems for others to solve and a mother whom likes to point her finger over my brother's wrong doings. I decided to get married; earlier than many of my closer friends.

I was blessed. Blessed to be led by the right group of friends during school days and blessed to have Jesus Christ whom stand steadfast during my younger days. I was a timid girl and always fearful to even stand up for my own rights when I was younger. It was Jesus Christ who gave me strength to pull through. I remembered vividly when nobody is at home for my bro and me. Whenever I was lonely and scared, I will hide under my blanket and cry.

My childhood shapes my perspective as a mother. I really don't wish my girls to have the same experience. I want them to be closely kneaded as a family and close to my heart always; til my last breath. I am always envious whenever I hear or see people with their happy family. Within me I know this is not a gift, it is all earned. I choose to get married and have my own family. I should always be contented with what I have. I would not do anything to jeopardise my family happiness and marriage. This man may not be the dream man of my life. But I deeply know that he is a good and responsible daddy for the girls. He cares to give them the best he can. Sounds materialistic but I know deep within that this is something that my own daddy cannot provides that leaves my mum and the family unhappy and fighting even til today. Nothing seems to bring this family back ever again. I feel the bitterness and the tears welled in my eyes when I say this. Nobody seems to care about anybody and everyone in the family seems to only care about themselves. This is something I pray with all my might and strength that this WOULD NEVER HAPPEN to my girls. I always tell Amanda that she may only have one sibling in her this life and she must love her sister. It may sounds too early to teach about Blood is thicker than water but I want to make her remember the day she lives. SIGH! What am I doing then? Why am I not helping my younger brother when he needs monetary support all the time? How can I help all the time I ask myself? Gave him $450 for his audacious 2ND remarry ROM only 2 weeks ago and he can still sms Nam for money again today. How to help??? How to tell my girls to stay kneaded when I dun help him when he needed help??? I really hope that this book I'm reading can enlighten me somehow.

I can only praise God that I can still meet this responsible man whom gives me the "luxury" to stay home. Frankly it is not that I'm lazy to work or I can't earn. It is because of my childhood that determined my decision staying home since 3 June 2005. I really don't want my girls to grow up without feeling complete or spiritual developed. I want to teach them the values of life that I hold steadfast and the principles that I held tight. I would do every way to hold this family closely kneaded. The more pressure I give to myself, the more stressed I become.

Whatever it is, I'm really thankful that He is a very kind hearted, responsible and easy-going and good tempered guy til today. He is the one who never fears despite of all the family problems I have. He never complains and never compares. Many of the times I think he just doesn't care or he has no benchmark for his expectations. But have I really appreciated that this is his strength? Is this why the marriage can last til today despite of my bad temper and bad childhood? Can this marriage still remains if this is another man?? I really got no idea... I only know that we must NEVER, NEVER TAKE anything for granted. Treasure everything slightest~! I'm reminding myself too each day! I think I really have to make this family strong. First and foremost, this marriage- the pillar to the family. I can't do this alone all the time. I hope that if my dh ever reads my blog. Please try to understand that this can never never be held alone.

SO much of digressing, I saw Alison who is 8mths into her pregnancy. She still looks like before on her face. Put abit of weight but I think she will not put on too much at the end of her pregnancy. Regretfully didn't take a photo together with her. Very glad to meet her, appreciated that she travelled to Jurong East to meet me. Guess it might be tougher once she have kids next time. I will try my best to keep in touch with friends. But sometimes it is very tough to meet up with friends after their work because my Amanda don't seem to be able to part with me at all. Sigh! Good or bad? I should treasure because she may outgrow this one day. Bad because I lost my freedom to meet with friends whom dun need my dd's presence. Amanda seems to enjoy the dinner with Alison.

Ally, let's keep in touch always. Hope that I can arrange for another with Elaine before Ally goes into delivery.

Amanda can match words to the animals card

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

This evening, Amanda took out the animals matching cards to play. These days she learns to play independently and I realised that she is not that lousy academically afterall.

She can actaully match the words that are apart from the picture cards. Eg. She is able to place the little word piece that says"Lion" to the lion picture. The picture is cartoonised type. I was so surprised. Then I ask her, oh you know how to read the words? Did you learn all the animals words in school? She says no ah. I just know loh!

You should see the delightfulness from my face. The proud mummy. Its good to be happy over little things.

To make her even more proud of herself, I snapped her efforts. She really takes pride! I really think that it is natural that humans enjoy praises.

Amanda spells Egg and learns to spell!

Think she is really trying to learn. Learning at her own pace. Maybe because she is eldest so I am very paranoid about her over the slightest thing.

Months ago, I was really vexed when she doesnt know how to recognise the alphabets. Now she is trying to spell the things she sees. She only complains that she has problem writing small caps. She is able to write the Big caps without looking at the alphabets. There are certain letters that she has problems Q, b, p.... It is either she writes the Q the inverted way or the b as like p.....

Should I wait for herself to figure it out again? I hope that I can note every single and details of my 2 dearest princesses always... I am stressing again???? Hahhaha

Rearranged the things in the house

Got too many things in the house! Clear clear! Throw throw!
The only way is to clear the stuff in the rooms so that there are more space if mummy comes to stay. Looks like she is unlikely to come back again. Sigh!

The bottomline for clearing stuff, things untouched or unneeded for more than 3 months. They can be thrown away. The issue is what if it is needed again?

Forgot to take photos of before and after! At least the rooms looked more spacious now!

Amelia calls MaMa

Amelia is 11months plus and she is finally calling me liao. She murmurs Mama! Mama! Hopefully she knows who is Mama still of the sounding!

Visit to Open house at the Civil defence force, Queenstown

Saw the notice for the open house visit and decided to bring the 2 nephews and also my 2 girls to the fire station.

Also asked Jeanie, my friend to join us there. She was there earlier and the 2 families had great fun!

Taught Amanda to make butterfly fly!

Borrowed a book from the library about Making Games for kids.


Taught that this is somthing simple to start her 1st day to her 1 week Sep holidays. I was as excited as Amanda. I took a paper to sketch the butterly template given. It was quite pretty. Amanda wanted 3. I drew 3 and asked her to cut after tracing it on the cardstock. She was cranky. Dunno the real reason, I was just too impatient with her. Didnt wait for her to finish tracing; I ask her to assist me and at the end she was kinda teary becos I was too harsh with her.

It was always after my act that I was regretful! I pray that I wont shout at her again!

Amanda kisses me at my ears today!

I think there is nothing more fortunate is to remember and see your own lovely kids grow up day by day. It is actaully a pity that I haven't exactly jot down or even remember Amanda's concrete or constructive development milestone. I really pray that this blogspot thing would not fail me as the years go by. I should keep this blog a hard copy set in case one day, my mind and this blog is failing me!

We went Ah mah home today. They just returned from HK and they came back full luagge of stuff for my 2 dearies. Amanda is so happy with the little kitty MTR that Gugu bought. It is silverish looking and think it would be fantastic if it is pink. Maybe MTR can't be pink. Accordingly it was sold by the MTR HK to encourage the trips you take using this transport. Cool! Would try taking pictures of it tomolo.

Amanda couldn't let it go. She is sleeping with it tonite.

I'm sometimes really upset with her but when she throws tantrums and cries as if she is like Amelia. I love it when she is learning to be expressive like me and lovcs me more. She comes near my ears and Mwack me!

That is happy enough to give me sweet dreams for tonite!

Meimei is sleeping with me tonite and I really got to go!

Amelia develops her third tooth, the upper molar

Teething! Teething! Another teething woes or teething chapter??

Really upset sometimes when I think that she is teething. Imagine that she can be so hilarious when teething especially at nite. What the more if she has so many tooths to develop???

Now the little tooth on the upper molar, I had sleepless nights since the slightest sign to emergent!! God help help help!

Should start taking snaps before more comes out.

Amanda's ballet teacher comments

Today is her ballet class. Time flies. She is already almost her 2nd term through for her ballet. Haven't ask her teacher about her progress since the first day she started.

She was commented for her ability to be able to straighten her legs better. Hope that she will be able to move up and her love for ballet will remain when she is older.

I guess we tend to have unfulfilled dreams to build on our kids. I always wanted to learn ballet when I was a little girl. I couldn't because of my mummy's time and finances constraints. I hope that I will not be stressing my girl and forcing her if she is unhappy.

I just want her to enjoy and be happy!

Another Naggy Chapter!

It was not only bad through last night. In fact everynite I was undergoing nitemare!

Nightmares because of my dear dearest Amelia....Since The very day she was born, I didn't have more than 5hrs of sleep averagely everynite. I have tried to rule out all the possiblities why she wasn't sleeping when she was a newborn. I tried my very best!

Initially I thought it was my breast milk that is not sufficient for her. I fed her then with both formula and BM at the same time to keep my sanity. It didn't help. I really swear that I even pushed myself to the very edge to feed her to the last drop of my breastmilk during the first 9 weeks of her birth. I remembered vividly talking to a close friend about my struggles feeding her with breastmilk after my first 4 weeks of milk flow. Something that she said that pierced me deeply into my innermost was that she mentioned that "I asked for it!" to undergo this stress in breastfeeding. It was really hurting but it was kinda true. I was steadfast about the belief in breastfeeding even until today. My elder Amanda was into half formula n half BF. Now that she is 4.5years soon, I realised that she is very weak in her immunity and it seems that she can't take cold drinks and other sweet stuff very well because she will be very phlegmy and coughing. She seems to catch the virus from school despite that it is a non-aircon environment. Frankly I dunno if it was the main reason that I gave up feeding Amanda with BM after 4 weeks. After all the discouragements from my own mum and MIL.

I'm not blaming anybody but it was really regretful that I can't give enough. Stress is the word. Many people thought that it is every mum's dream to STAY HOME. For me, I don't regret my choice but I always think deep within if I can perform better with a different career or a different direction in this life. Because of the nitty thoughts that I have as a Mother, Wife, Daughter and a DIL makes this blog my different chapters in my life. It maybe naggy or boring to others but I hope that even when I am old and alive; I can still look back on this diary and see how much my family and I have moved or grown through these years of life.

I can only conclude that in life everything comes with a timing and a decision. I don't look back on my decision to wean Amelia of the BM because I knew it was also the best for her because she was really clingy then. I was full of stress and unhappiness during my first month of my confinement and I can sense her crankiness from my BM too. If I had a good helper and also someone to cook well for me during the critical period; I knew that I could tide it over well. Things weren't right and the timing was really bad. My helper left me after about 2 mths and I asked her to leave after 10days of my confinement. God knows that my MIL walked out of me after the 14th day. Frankly the scene of her leaving still stays strong in my memory! I wasn't upset about the absence of the helper. It was really my MIL that breaks my heart til the very beat! My mil left because she couldn't take it that I did all the household chores myself and even cook my hubby and my Amanda dinner. She can't wait to leave every evening. She really irks me. I dun understand why I still can put on a front with my hubby's family even until today. Is it because of myself or because I dun wan to put my Dh on a spot. I couldn't find an answer even until today. If I could find myself a good helper like the present one or at least a confinement lady; I wouldn't give up my breastfeeding or even give up the idea on child birth.

It wasn't because of the fear of having a difficult pregnancy or birth or even a difficult baby; it was all because of the inlaws. I can't swallow the anger and the grievances that I have even until today. I knew deep within that it was not healthy or all, but I guess only God can help me to cleanse this hatred temple of mine.

I really pray tonight that Amelia will be calm and sleeping! I dread, dread very much to hear her cry and cry unsettling each night! I am fearful to even get into sleep each night.... : -(

"Dear God, can you please take away all the evil spirits or bad dreams that my baby Amelia has and I only ask for good sleep each night. Jesus please take pity that she is only a little and innocert baby. Please enlighten me on her discomforts!" Amen.

My Scrapbook fever is back!

Oops I'm down and up again. Blog is somehow gone but now I'm up with my scrapbooking.

Hope that I can have a breakthrough and upload more this year!

My resolution for this last quarter of the year is to finish all photos up to date!

Amelia Sit up from crawling-New Milestone

Finally finally, my little lazy bum bum is sitting from her crawling position. She is beri different from Amanda. Her development is much slower and til today I still think that she is a young baby despite that she is reaching 1 years soon. Now at 10 mths+, I'm still very worried when she is sitting on her own because she would fall back.

(1) I'm trying (2)Almost

(3) She is crawling fast and there she goes, SIT UP!

Grandma's Birthday at Chinese Restaurant

Wow today we can eat a sumptuous meal! We supposed to meet at 6.30pm. As usual with the little delays here and there, we were slightly late.

Sigh! My 2ND Auntie's family was worse. They were never early and they were late! Late! Late! As per expected! We started the dinner about 7.30pm. My dear lia lia is kicking a fuss, the helper has to carry her outside even before the dinner even begin! She only slept deeply at 7.40pm and was awake about 20Min's after. Well its good to catch a wink sometimes!

Grandma still look energetic and love posing even after so many years. Altogether we celebrated her 78th Birthday! The cake don't look very nice but it is delicious. At the end, it seems that the happiest is still Amanda because she sang the loudest of all!

Amanda is excited over National Day!

She says Mummy, mummy, Singapore is 42 years old leh!

I ask her who told you? She says Ms Yee loh. She was really excited and brought home a goodie bag and a flag.

Frankly something that I'm really displeased about her this school is that they are not so flexible and creative. Most of the children in many schools celebrating National Day should be wearing White and Red to make the kids feel the atmosphere and mood for this day. The only thing the teacher commented about why not the exclusion? She merely mentioned, Oh we cannot recognise the kids! I really dun understand what does she mean by that!

The only thing that makes my this year national day really good and different is that Amanda can read numbers and she actually knew the age of her home country!

Hmm Mummy is so proud of her!

Amelia meets her first playmate, Isabelle

There was once that I brought the 2 girls to the Pd at Bukit timah. Think it is fate that I happened to meet an old neighbour from West Coast.

We exhanged no. and we meet up at Pizza hut for lunch.

Along the journey on the train, Amelia fell asleep and she only took a short nap after 40mins.

Amelia is very happy meeting her little friend for once after awaking from her short nap. She was swinging her legs with joy when I put her to sit on a high chair besides her little friend.

She didnt take another wink after. I decided to leave the place shortly after about 3.30pm. Reached home so that Amelia can take another nap. Frankly she was too young to play with her new playmate. Anyway her playmate slept shortly after lunch. So the two of them didn't get to play.

I will try to arrange for something else when she is really to socialise....

Amanda at Imm Playground

Nothing much to do today.
Decided to bring Amanda to meet Zann at the playground.

Something which I'm really happy about because Amanda is really sporting unlike Zann. Maybe she really love water unlike zann. The moment we change her with her swim wear, she just dashed to the play area. But when she saw that Zann wasn't keen and fearful to join the water play. Oh! The mood was spoilt and there goes the day.... Well well well..... I can only say that my girl is brave and she is fearless.

Bottle Tree Park

It was a sunny and cool day today! Me and my last minute decision, we decided to head to the Bottle Tree Park to catch fishes. Heard from my friend, Kylene that it was a fun place for the kids. Sigh because of that, we decided to skip one lesson of Amanda's ballet. Luckily she didn't ask why she doesn't have ballet today otherwise I have to tell a lie that there is no class today. Phew!

We packed sandwiches, claypot rice, fruits and drinks there. Planned to meet Cheryl and her family at about 12.30pm. As usual this woman is always not on time. They met us downstairs our home at 1.20pm. We set off together and reach there about 1.50pm. Along the journey, Cheryl's son Zavier fell asleep in his car seat. 妹妹's eyelids looked heavy yet she didn't fall asleep at all. Maybe she sensed her 姐姐's excitement in the car. The moment we reached there, 姐姐 shouted. Where is the pond? Where are the fishes? Kaka was more excited. She commented that the environment looked like her kampong.

The moment we reached there, I brought 姐姐 to buy the equipment for the fishes. I paid $10.00 for a unlimited time. The boss gave us a fishing net, a mini plastic tank and the fish food to collect later. Frankly I also feel abit reluctant to go into water. But I'm the mummy so must be sporting. I held Amanda and she sticked very close by my side. She doesn't want to go into water. I have to carry her and put her into the pond. She was abit fearful, kept standing on the rocks. Hahaha. 妹妹 can't fish so she was only enjoy kicking the water in the pond. After a short while of kicking, I asked Su to put her to sleep.

I was quite lousy. Tried fishing and at the end of the day, managed to catch 2 miserable fishes. Amanda managed to fish 2 too. Cheryl and Kaka managed to catch more. Zavier woke up about 3.30pm to join in the fun. He is very intelligent. Instead of fishing in the large pond, he tried to fish in Amanda's and his tank. He caught one in his net from his own little tank.

妹妹 slept after 2.30pm and she woke up before 4.00pm. She was really tired and that was really a short nap. We played for a while after she is awake. Left the place about 5pm.

It was a long ride before we settle for dinner and it was at Old Airport Rd. It was renovated and I really swear that I will not go there anymore. It was terribly jammed.

We headed for Suntec after and it was nearly 8pm then. Sigh! When is the FOX's sales gonna end? I spent another $88.00 and that actually eats into the budget for the month. I can only comfort myself that it was a good buy because it was 50% and those are all the basics tops that I'm buying for the girls.

What a tired, tired DAY! But we really had a fruitful trip today!