Amelia was under maid's care last nite

Couldn't let go fully despite the misery of waking up to pick Amelia's pacifier every nite. The freqency really kills every cells in you. I really dunno if this is what people meant by saying, 是你的命! When she was sleeping with us every nite, she will wakes up every hour after 2 am and starts to whine. Frankly, being her mum I really feel lousy because I got no idea why is she crying. Some days she could be passing gas and gets irritatable, some days I dunno why is she so grumpy. Even with my cruddle and rocking, she can still cry and whine! Is it me? or is it the house or the room? Until today, I don't have the keys to her cries and whining.God are you there? I'm breaking down. Is it because she sense and feel my impatience and frustrations?

I fixed the baby monitor in the helper's room so that I can hear妹妹's cryings. Do you know, Gracious! She really didn't really cry and even if its that, it wasn't long and no issue of unsettlement. WHY? WHY? WHY? Is there anything that I did wrong and now the kids are here to make my life really difficult? If you really know what happened to them then trying to mend it the right way that will not put me into this frustration.

Since the day of her birth til today, my prayers still seemed unanswered! I'm very upset and wondered if there is anything I could really do to atone for all these. I remembered my friend, Pris did mentioned before that we are already very lucky and blessed to have a normal baby than the less fortunate. This makes me thankful for this fact.