Meimei is 10mths today

This morning, Daddy and I was at the breakfast table before Jiejie wakes up. I was so upset with meimei because she was crying the whole of last night. Couldnt even settle down to watch the HG drama that I'm racing for. Sigh! Is it the fengshui of the house? Or she is really unwell bcos of the teething or her blocked nose!

I talked to Meimei. Wat happen to u? Y aren't u sleeping thru the nite? Do you know that Papa & Mummy cant sleep bcos of you in the night. She actually pretend to look away and look at Papa when I reprimand her. When daddy talks to her, she looks at me pretending likewise. This girl is really cheeky. When both of us raise our volume at her, she soured up and starts to whimper. She seems like a monster. She can awakes every 15Min's the moment her pacifier drops. Shouldn't have introduced the dummy in the first place, i thought. If weren't for the pacifier, I wouldn't have come this far. Nobody has any idea what I have gone through during Meimei younger days. I do not have anybody to help me with housework, baby care and every breathe of air in this house. I was all alone after the 10th day of Meimei's birth. My so called third helper left me after 5 days of work. She is a lunatic, dun wan to talk about her. My luck really sucks when FDW is concerned. After 1 week of search, managed to find No.4 to work; a transfer FDW. Didn't worked out after 2 moths plus. After 3 moths of struggle w/o help. I finally realised that nobody is a super woman. Neither can I or God!

The pacifier was introduced for a very good reason. That is sticking it into Meimei mouth and sandwiched her with the secure bolster to sleep w/o any any form of comfort. No cuddle, no rocking! Only kisses on the cheeks and forehead. Meimei was then only 5 mths plus. I can still remembered that I was helpless. Raced down to bring Da to take school bus in the morning while leaving Meimei at home and many occasions leaving Meimei to sleep alone when Da comes home from school. I dont have a choice. There wasnt another soul at home helping. Juggle between housework and kids. I worked til about 1 am everyday. I ask myself, why? why? why? why my kids are so tough?? I really dun have a choice! Thank God that they are still healthy and happy.

I pray and pray one day that she can settle down and sleep through the night. No more non sense. I really hate the feeling that things are not under control.