Another episode of venting frustrations! Today is Amanda's 1st lesson of the year of Chinese enrichment at Berries. After class we went to Jeanie's Home for dinner so that my girls can interact with her kids.
After dinner at her home, we reached home about 8.30pm. Suppose to follow as the daily routines that Amanda has to sleep before 9.30pm beause she is in the morning class for her K1 this year. She is no longer with CP. She is now with EM that I feel it is beneficial for her current development. I laid the girls to sleep at about 9pm after the supper. But the frustrations is that Amelia dont seem to be able to get into sleep! She kept taking her tutu out and cries non-stop. Because of this reason, Amanda is not able to sleep in the same room. She is upset too. 9.45pm already! Amelia still dont give up yelling in tears! I brought her into the other room hopefully that she will give up crying. She didnt stop! About 5 mins later my maid knocked on the room door and saying that Amanda does not wan to sleep either! I was frustrated! I stormed out of the room and left Amelia in the play yard! I stormed again into where Amanda was sleeping. I reprimaded her and questioned her what she wanted when Amelia is also giving me a bad time. She cried and says that she want me to stay with her. I was telling her in contained tears that she loves me and should know that it is also my responsiblity to take care of Amelia even through the bad times!
The thing that makes me love my elder girl so much is that she hug me and kissed me! I feel that I have really missed penning down her milestone. To others, this hug is normal. To me it really means that my Amanda is mature now! I'm so happy for her that she knows how to care about other people's feelings and she is also very understanding. She never insists that the maid should take care of Amelia and she even requested Amelia to sleep with us on alternating nites despite that she knew that Amelia will not sleep throughout the night! We should always look at the little things that can make us happy and appreciative. I really want to treasure her moments over the slightest thing! Her precious hug!
After the hug, I whispered in her ears that I am mad because if she doesnt sleep early and we got to bear with Amelia for the night. I am worried that she dont have enough rest to have concentration to learn in school. Alas! Alas! When will Amelia's 10 times averagely throughout the night?
I recorded an episode of her hair pulling terror and my wrangling with her. I promised to upload it when I am more alert. I'm really really sleepy and tired now after my battle.
I broke down in tears and prayed to God after finally that she slept. I remembered that there is one verse in the bible that says that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST WHOM STRENGTHENS ME!
I am blessed! I am blessed by God that he hasnt forgotten me. I remembered asking my hubby why he never accepted Christ despite that he went to church during his younger years. His reason given was, maybe he never have needs like me!
It strikes me instantly this night that it was indeed God. All things happen for a reason. Perhaps if it never occur to me about my baby, I might never have a chance to believe in Christ once again. I didnt stand up when Pastor Kong asked for backsliders to believe in Jesus during the Christmas concert at CH. Deep down in my heart, I have opened up my heart. I didnt stand up not because of shame or guilt, it was because I have Amanda beside me. Since that day, I been praying, praying for miracle. Not only a change in Amelia but also my whole family to believe in Jesus one day.
"God will make a way when there seems to be no way, this is a cry that is always in me!" His love is unfailing and I knew that he is always out there waiting since the day I left church. I am blessed because God is not too hard on me compared to other more devastating cases out there and also I have an understanding and responsible hubby!
Praise the lord! Hallelujah!
